something strange is happening in the town of stepford

for the last 5 weeks i have been convincing myself that each episode is the season finale. it was the return of the aftershow. i thought "oh this nonsense is back, talking me through the commercials, must be the season finale". then it wasn't so i thought "must be the episode before the finale". nope. then i decided it was some big lead-up to the finale. now i half think it's that and i half think it's that mtv tried one shitty show after another to follow the hills and after they all sucked they just put the aftershow back. i am an undecided voter when it comes to deciding between these two possibilities.

drines moves her ass out. i like her t-shirt. i do not like her brain or the words that come out of her mouth. what's the deal, is she really dumb? anyway she is vague and weirdly casual about moving out, telling lauren she's moving out, and justin moving in or whatever. she's just going to see what happens. i think that is a great idea.

uh oh. heidi is stupider than audrina. this is her chance to prove that she is not a mindless barbie doll to her bosses and she thinks that despite the fact that this is a huge event unlike anything they've done before; it's cool, they pretty much have everything under control so she's not worried. so she's going to invite spencer. and a bunch more people. i think that is an even more great idea.

yay! whitney! i have missed you so much and lauren needs to tell you about drines. awesome face war. whitney wins.

justin bobby points out that audrina describes everything as 'cute'. i don't know if he was trying to do that, but it's true. she does. she tries to be really vague about wanting jb to move in and he totally calls her out on it but then proceeds to be way more vague in response. he delivers some jb 'we'll see what happens and see what happens' type bullshit.

whoa, drines' sister. here is her new house. she wants to put candles up the stairs? permanently? that is weird and not safe. her crazy looking sister asks her if she bought it for herself or to advance her and justin's relationship. audrina looks fragile and shrugs.

lo! they talk about drines moving out and jb. lauren line! "the man so great he needed two names." lo, whitney, and an awesome lauren line are the big winners tonight.

heidi thinks everything is great at the event so she hits the bar and starts acting like an obnoxious idiot. spence will only high five stephanie. he sarcastically toasts audrina moving out, drines continues to have no loyalty or possibly doesn't get it. the big boss disrupts the party and does not look impressed while heidi drunkenly barks at him and spence offers him a shot. how does that guy think that he is superior to people, i do not understand where that delusion comes from. only heidi's co-worker kimberly seems to comprehend the severity of the situation.

lauren and stephanie drink smoothies, wear sunglasses and talk about about drines moving out and spence liking jb (hey comrade, let's manipulate our stupid girlfriends together). could that be the new foursome? yikes/i don't care.

brent looks like a vaudevillian, drunk, french man. he talks to kimberly about the party foul. she tries her best not to throw heidi under the bus. it is a lost cause; heidi is fired. good. she deserved to be fired, she is seriously unprofessional. this is not a good night for either of our vacant and easily manipulated leading ladies.

lauren tries to talk to drines about the fact that she is going to miss her and audrina is such a cold fish she doesn't take the bait. lauren asks why jb isn't helping. drines acknowledges that lauren has always been there for her for her boy drama and lauren sweetly says that drines has been there for her for everything the last 2 years. drines looks around and decides that the crew of the hills can just pack the rest of her stuff and offers a hug goodbye. but she is such a slippery fish she wiggles right out of lauren's grasp and flops, gaping, on the floor.

lo is sweet and supportive and even a little teary-eyed as the moving van pulls away. all you lo-haters, repent!

next week spence furthers his decent into a total and complete pariah while heidi tries to figure out how the hell she is going to get a job in this town. whitney dates boys.