Monday, November 17, 2008

let's get literal

so it is destroying marriage, is that right? people wanting to get married is destroying it - do i follow you so far? and the reason that gay marriage is so destructive is that the bible defines marriage as between a man in a woman so anything that goes against that is destructive and wrong. have i got it so far?

okay, so i can't help but wonder:

how much time do you spend trying to stop people from the evils of consuming shellfish or pork. i don't ever remember remonstrations at my local grocery store. how much time do you spend protesting businesses that operate on the sabbath? i have spent many a sunday happily shopping without encountering resistance from the christian right. how offended are you that some men shave their beards and that menstruating women are not sequestered from society? i mean, if we are going to look to the bible to define the terms of proper society we have a lot of work to do. i can't remember the last time i saw a proper animal sacrifice down at city hall. get out the signs, fire up the advertisements, there is a lot of work to do.

and if this seems an unfavorable course of action to you than please answer just one more question: how is it that you can choose to attack some of god's children with the minute details of obsolete texts, but can then ignore those that you find personally disagreeable to your lifestyle?

oh and p.s. if you are such big fans of taking written documents so literally may i suggest you peruse the constitution? maybe give adhering to it's message a whirl?

Monday, November 10, 2008

who ya gonna call?

a couple weeks ago, in the middle of the night between sunday and monday, our shower door spontaneously combusted.  one of the 2 sliding glass doors just exploded safety glass all over our bathroom; in the bathtub, covering the bath mat, in every container and out into the hall.  everywhere.  it was so bizarre.  i had to take everything out of everything; i completely emptied the bathroom.  during this process i took out our magazine holder, which is in between our toilet and our sink, and discovered that a number of the books and magazines were wet.  as i took them out i discovered that number was all of them.  and they were sitting in inches of water.  i was pretty shower door centric and i found it very confusing.  i just thought "how on earth does the shower door shattering make all of these books so wet?".  
funny story, those two things were not related.  who saw that coming...
last night i flipped the toilet seat too hard.  apparently i am the incredible hulk.  it knocked the tank hard enough to make the crack down the whole side of the tank that had been slowly dripping into our magazine holder for god knows how long, just a bit bigger so that the drip was significant enough to get our attention.  
so i got a very thorough and repetitive and very helpful over-the-phone tutorial on "replacing your toilet tank" from my father last night (thanks daddy!) and have tracked down the right model at a store in oakland.  i have yet to undertake the replacement but my father is an excellent teacher and i have investigated the situation and feel confident we will be back in business tonight.  still working on the shower door.
onto the more pressing issue: wtf?  our shower door exploded and now our toilet tank is busted?  and has been for... forever?  who knows?  what a mystery.  i am not trying to be an alarmist here but this stinks of the supernatural.  a curse or a poltergeist, something other worldly.  i have been suspicious on and off since we moved in that there is a ghost of a cat in our house.  it would be one explanation of why apple is so trippy and it would also explain some weird little happenings.  but a ghost of a cat shattering the shower door and cracking the toilet?  i can't even imagine a real cat doing that and we have 3 of those.  so i don't know but i think something is up.  a curse maybe or a burial ground of some description.  whatever it is, it's a pain in the ass. 

if things like toilets gross you out, i am sorry.  if things like ghosts scare you, i am also sorry.  everyone else- weird, right?

Sunday, November 9, 2008


hey remote- i do not want to have to ask you again.  where are you?  it's almost more about principal now than convenience.  well, honestly, it is also a lot about convenience.  both, really. 

Friday, November 7, 2008

love thy neighbor as thyself (good news neighbor, i LOVE me)

dear people who supported prop 8,

despite the elation i felt on tuesday as we elected obama as our president (by a landslide) it was a bittersweet victory because in the same breath california (by a slim margin) took away the rights of our citizens. basic rights, so basic that it falls under the umbrella of life (spent with your partner), liberty (to marry the person you choose) and the pursuit of happiness (shared with the person you love). any way you spin it, this is disgrace. this is not over. that is not a threat, it is an fyi.
you don't want homosexuality taught in schools so that you can teach it to children yourselves and you can filter it through your own prejudice but the truth always finds a way to reveal itself.
you act as though you have taken the moral high ground yet you have chosen to ignore major tenants of your religion - judge not lest ye be judged, thou shall not bear false witness - but hypocrisy is a delicate house of cards that always collapses in on its perpetrators.
you claim that this does not have to do with homophobia or discrimination but instead is about protecting tradition, but outdated and divisive ideas are always replaced by progressive and inclusive ones.
hatred and suspicion prevailed on tuesday but love and tolerance always win in the end. you might see the passage of prop 8 as a victory but it is only another barrier for a community that deserves to see barriers broken down and not erected. this is a barrier, however, that is built on a weak foundation, a foundation of division and oppression and exclusivity that cannot withstand the power of human resolve. i have news for you: people never give up on their human rights. they never say " you know, this civil liberty isn't that important, i'm just going to throw in the towel". people never stop fighting for their rights and they won't stop now. and you know what else? they always win in the end.
so, prop 8-ers, i will see you at that end and i will fight to make sure that end is near. when the day comes, when everyone in this country is granted the full civil liberties they are entitled to, i will be there and so will you because, finally, we will all be equals. you might as well start getting used the idea.

bridget dolfi

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

biden should ditch the thumbs up for the cabbage patch

first of all, this is cracking me up. second of all this is what every car that drove down our street in oakland last night was doing. it was like new year's only this actually matters and affects our lives. third of all, i said i would apologize to america if obama was right and he was so... i am sorry and i am proud of you, of us. we are not the red states and the blues states, we are the united states of america and i look forward to standing up with all of you and taking our country in a new direction. it's a beautiful day. orange mocha frappuccinos for everyone!

Monday, November 3, 2008

something strange is happening in the town of stepford

for the last 5 weeks i have been convincing myself that each episode is the season finale. it was the return of the aftershow. i thought "oh this nonsense is back, talking me through the commercials, must be the season finale". then it wasn't so i thought "must be the episode before the finale". nope. then i decided it was some big lead-up to the finale. now i half think it's that and i half think it's that mtv tried one shitty show after another to follow the hills and after they all sucked they just put the aftershow back. i am an undecided voter when it comes to deciding between these two possibilities.

drines moves her ass out. i like her t-shirt. i do not like her brain or the words that come out of her mouth. what's the deal, is she really dumb? anyway she is vague and weirdly casual about moving out, telling lauren she's moving out, and justin moving in or whatever. she's just going to see what happens. i think that is a great idea.

uh oh. heidi is stupider than audrina. this is her chance to prove that she is not a mindless barbie doll to her bosses and she thinks that despite the fact that this is a huge event unlike anything they've done before; it's cool, they pretty much have everything under control so she's not worried. so she's going to invite spencer. and a bunch more people. i think that is an even more great idea.

yay! whitney! i have missed you so much and lauren needs to tell you about drines. awesome face war. whitney wins.

justin bobby points out that audrina describes everything as 'cute'. i don't know if he was trying to do that, but it's true. she does. she tries to be really vague about wanting jb to move in and he totally calls her out on it but then proceeds to be way more vague in response. he delivers some jb 'we'll see what happens and see what happens' type bullshit.

whoa, drines' sister. here is her new house. she wants to put candles up the stairs? permanently? that is weird and not safe. her crazy looking sister asks her if she bought it for herself or to advance her and justin's relationship. audrina looks fragile and shrugs.

lo! they talk about drines moving out and jb. lauren line! "the man so great he needed two names." lo, whitney, and an awesome lauren line are the big winners tonight.

heidi thinks everything is great at the event so she hits the bar and starts acting like an obnoxious idiot. spence will only high five stephanie. he sarcastically toasts audrina moving out, drines continues to have no loyalty or possibly doesn't get it. the big boss disrupts the party and does not look impressed while heidi drunkenly barks at him and spence offers him a shot. how does that guy think that he is superior to people, i do not understand where that delusion comes from. only heidi's co-worker kimberly seems to comprehend the severity of the situation.

lauren and stephanie drink smoothies, wear sunglasses and talk about about drines moving out and spence liking jb (hey comrade, let's manipulate our stupid girlfriends together). could that be the new foursome? yikes/i don't care.

brent looks like a vaudevillian, drunk, french man. he talks to kimberly about the party foul. she tries her best not to throw heidi under the bus. it is a lost cause; heidi is fired. good. she deserved to be fired, she is seriously unprofessional. this is not a good night for either of our vacant and easily manipulated leading ladies.

lauren tries to talk to drines about the fact that she is going to miss her and audrina is such a cold fish she doesn't take the bait. lauren asks why jb isn't helping. drines acknowledges that lauren has always been there for her for her boy drama and lauren sweetly says that drines has been there for her for everything the last 2 years. drines looks around and decides that the crew of the hills can just pack the rest of her stuff and offers a hug goodbye. but she is such a slippery fish she wiggles right out of lauren's grasp and flops, gaping, on the floor.

lo is sweet and supportive and even a little teary-eyed as the moving van pulls away. all you lo-haters, repent!

next week spence furthers his decent into a total and complete pariah while heidi tries to figure out how the hell she is going to get a job in this town. whitney dates boys.

just decide already

these undecided voters. what is their deal? how on earth can someone still be undecided, it's ridiculous. the two candidates could not be more different; it is both literally and figuratively black and white. i will tell you what i think about the undecideds. they are not going to vote. if it is the day before the election and you do not know if you are going to vote for the tall, black, young, calm, liberal, fair-taxing, health care proving, war ending, alternative energy promoting democrat or the short, white, old, erratic, conservative, unfair tax cut providing, health care privatizing, pro-war, drilling and nuclear plant building republican; you are not going to decide. and, more to the point, you are not going to bother waiting in line from 3 to 9 hours to vote for whichever guy you *sigh* finally decided to vote for. i believe in odds and the odds are that these people are not going to make that big of an effort to vote for someone they are not that pumped about. and that works in our favor so i hope i am right.