Tuesday, September 30, 2008

that's how he rolls

i saw an amazing advertisement for mccain the other day. first of all the lighting and editing were ridiculous. it was kind of 80's, it was like they were trying to be edgy. voiced over quick shots are spliced up with john mccain, looking tres sincere, talking about how great the american worker is: "best in the world". and economic security "has been put at risk by the greed of wallstreet". eek. sounds scary. unacceptable. you tell 'em maverick. "my opponent's only solution is talk and taxes". what? talk? you're kidding me, that is unreal. shuddup ya' mouth. so this distainful "talk" you speak of, is this the comprehensive economic plan that obama has been talking about, the one that, amongst other things, raises taxes for some and lowers them for other groups like, the middle class? good summary though. what else ya' got john-bo? "i'll reform wall street and fix washington. i've taken on tougher guys than this before." oh thank goodness you didn't give us any of that nasty "talk". what is "i'll fix washington"? action? also, question. who exactly is he talking about here? tougher guys than who, wall street or washington? or he's fought tougher guys than obama. it's pretty unclear.

cue the sexy female voice over (oh, did palin get a voice coach?) and i am starting to think that this background music is an attempt to have a cool, youth vibe. oh right, edgy. she purrs "change is coming... john mccain". ew.

so wait, this is the "change" guy? i thought that was the other guy. no, but i can clearly see that change is coming because there is a picture of john mccain standing at a desk, on the phone. perhaps that is change calling right now, letting john know he's on his way.

what i love about this advertisement is that mcain defames obama for laying out the particulars of his economic plan and then spews more of his meaningless catchphrases. how are you going to fix and reform it, dude? what the fuck is your plan? could you please just explain it out loud to me? the other thing i love is the tag, a close up of a sun-kissed john mccain with "the original maverick" across an american flag. tres presidential. maybe it will get shortened like "original ganster"; he'll be the o.m.


me: obama looks very presidential.

neil: mccain looks like a short-circuiting robot.

if palin promises to keep being an idiot, do you promise to continue making these sketches?

carl 1, carl 2, rockley rob, spare rib, doobie, lunch box, boner champ (that's him), pubie lewis and the news, hopscotch, jingle jangle, and sandwich

the indiscretion with the cake behind them, everyone buckles down and gets serious about the party. kelly swallows a tapeworm that creed sells to her “that wasn’t a tapeworm”. this is the hardest thing andy has ever had to do in his life and at least he has the “self-awareness”(?) to admit he hasn’t “had a very hard life”. can i take a moment here to say that the andy talking heads alone in this episode make it one of the funniest things i have ever seen on television. the dance invitation looks to have been the kiss of death for ronnie and as luck would have it, things have come completely full circle (not in a good way) for ryan and he is back at the scranton temp agency and is ready to be promoted from egg mcmuffins to “dunder mifflin, this is ryan”. fire-d guy!
jim acts like a badass, calling out ryan on his boasting over court-assigned community service (i like this side of jim) and ryan makes an attempt to get back into kelly’s good graces (the motivation behind this is unclear to me but i have been wanting to reunite kelly and ryan since the beginning of last season so bring it on). he also has decided that the baby beard wasn’t douchey enough so instead he has a goatee and michael decided he wasn’t clueless enough so he copied ryan. now everyone looks like a super douche.

since fruit flies are the only ones who have taken advantage of dwight’s vending machine alternatives, he decides to encourage more drastic methods. “i'm gonna randomly select three names and these three people will get liposuction. uhhhhhh stanley, phyllis, kevin. and you will be responsible for your own medical bills.” the last statement makes this so much funnier. i love how dwight just tramples into inappropriate territory. in an unbelievably transparent attempt to pretend to make it up to phyllis, dwight offers to go 60/40 on a “sure-thing” sale with her. 2 things are great: 1. dwight is so blatantly obvious when he is trying to pretend to be sincere 2. he won’t even go 50/50 on a sale he knows is fictional.

as michael and holly laugh together about the “dreadmill” jim admits he really feels pam’s absence during lunch. she is enjoying her present company a little more than he is, making new friends in school. we grow wary. what better way to make jim miss pam during work time as well than by calling a meeting in the conference room! phyllis is so upset having had to walk home from the sketchy neighborhood that dwight dropped her off in (on the bright side she “burned over 1,000 calories walking home”), that she calls david wallace and the incident is addressed at a body image awareness meeting. and we get another reference to corporate h.r. guy kendell. when can we meet that guy and can he be played by ben stein? they are all in the conference room but something is missing… oh here we go. printed out photos for the walls and an offensive sterotype of overweight people. perfect, now we are ready to get started. plus we have the return of the sumo suit (thank god michael bought instead of rented)! the cast takes turns doing their best “michael klump” impersonation (the award goes to dwight) as michael protests that the character is a celebration of fat people. and then goes on to disprove this claim by being totally offensive. gene and lee always write michael on the obnoxious side. but they also always write in a redemption or else we might get him mixed up with david brent. it’s confusing enough with the goatee. in this case redemption comes in the form of michael’s intervention for kelly. it looks like it is going to start badly, with michael making her stand on a chair, but after people call out compliments ranging from nice fingernails to perfection, he decides to end it badly instead by sticking his face in her boobs. not bad.

it’s the last day of the competition and the scranton branch’s final weigh in. they lose the competition to utica by only 8 pounds. also lost? michael’s goatee, just in time for dwight to have grown his own, presumably trying to reunite the 3 musketeers. michael is seriously on fire this episode though, maybe holly inspires him, and he suggests that they weigh in at the end of day and make a last ditch effort to shed some weight. andy is on it boss, “andy bernard doesn’t lose contests, he wins them. or he quits them, because they are unfair”. he cranks up the heat and throws on the trash bags (tie on the outside, but of course) to try to sweat it out. i bet the office smelled awesome. maybe we can get kevin to take off his shoes. also warming up? angela. she is still feeling positive from andy’s sentiments and requests that her favorite song, the little drummer boy, be their first dance. andy is totally into it (yay!) “i always thought it was bigger than christmas anyway” and thinks that it will sound awesome courtesy of the a capella stylings of 'here comes treble' (uh oh). here comes trouble. bssssssst. (that is a sound effect. pager vibrating. good one, right?).
jim meanwhile is showing the frustration of missing pam, seeming less patient with michael’s theatrics and not interested in engaging in dwight’s bullshit at all. the look he gives dwight after protecting his computer screen from probing eyes shuts even the persistent mr. shrute down, toute suite. if he feels bad he can practice his apology speech on the printout of pam’s dwight drawing. his surprised glance over at dwight’s computer generated face is the best silent TH since that one from season 2 after a now scarred ryan witnesses the “no cookie!” conversation between angela and dwight. jim seems increasingly dejected at the prospect that he will be getting no cookie of his own until the weekend and decides to have an impulsive lunch meeting with pam at a rest stop about half way between them.

what could be more romantic than dwight, dressed in a garbage bag and holding the can of aerosol bug spray he just unloaded into the vending machine (no ozone layers were damaged in the filming of this episode) following a tiny uppity blond down into the warehouse? i can think of one thing…
through lanes of traffic and a torrential downpour we can barely see jim, rushing out of his car towards pam as she teases him over the unequal distances they have driven. he drops his coat, and then his knee and we all drop our jaws. he couldn’t wait. red herrings! they were all red herrings! well played cast and crew, i am as surprised as pam and nearly as happy. jim and pam you guys, you’re pumped right?

holly, in a michael-esque impulsive and overly eager move, has bought tickets tojamaica, i mean, the counting crows for her and this guy she went on one date with. when he doesn’t call, michael offers to buy the tickets from her (could he have redeemed himself for cluelessly sending kevin to eat pie with her after toby’s party?) only to tear them up so she doesn’t have to worry about it any more. oh michael. that wasn’t what you were supposed to do.
wet tuna arrives back just in time for the final weigh in, and to drip all over dwight, and although the gang lost an additional 4 pounds, it is not enough to defeat utica. don’t be disheartened, you lost a ton of weight, literally, a lot of weight. yes, that is what literally means. hooray, everyone is a loser. especially….
toby. what an eeyore. his luck has not turned around he is in a costa rican hospital with a broken neck and ironic entertainment. ENTOURAAAAAGE!!!!

sorry so long on this one, a lot happened! eight weeks friend. what can you do. anyway, as casey’s final text said: “ok, it ended REALLY well”. true, and the end is just the beginning. great episode and great way to kick off the new season. i give it full marks and i am ready for more.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

you have to agree with me!

thursday's episode of the office was a return to form. written by the emmy nominated gene stupnitsky and lee eisenberg, it was a first in the show's history: we saw the 8 weeks of summer as dunder mifflin scranton participated in a company wide weight loss competition. it picked up pretty much where we left off in may.

casey texted me "i'm watching it now. eastern time bitch!" at 6.10. at 6.18 "good, not great". i decided to start ignoring him. the episode did seem to get off to a slow start or seemed a bit off, despite still being funny, but i think i just had to get used to the different format and thus the inherently different pacing. i have to say that they handled the different format very gracefully, it retained a classic office feel, harking back to season 2. i was a fan of season 4 but admittedly it had a different feeling. they took more risks and pushed plots further really developing the characters. this episode, while incorporating these elements, felt like classic office.

following a last meal of various food fountains, which dwight and his handy aerosol can helpfully destroyed the leftovers of, the office heads down to the warehouse to weigh in. dwight, the eternal strategist, is trying some last minute tactics "one more bite of eclair each. hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow." even we fill in the "that's what she said" so it's no wonder jim is surprised by michael's restraint in front of holly. "really, nothing?" the staff weighs in at 2,336 lbs and darryl delivers another gem "y'all need to learn some portion control". i am not used to the pace yet but quips keep coming, a steady undertone of subtle but sharp humor. michael realizes "pamcake" is on the scale skewing the results so she steps off, 2,210. after a loooong pause kevin proclaims "pam, you weigh 226 lbs?" i love how long it takes kevin to get the wrong answer. holly, still under the misconception that kevin is mentally challenged (way to make your new co-worker feel not welcome or liked, dwight), tries to be encouraging "almost, kevin". i love pam's awkwardness and self-consciousness in this moment. "not almost, though, holly. i mean, not - not close to 200..." holly, oblivious to pam's protestations, tries to further reassure kev "math is hard". i love her firm and friendly kindergarten teacher voice. pam is sweating under the imagined lights of scrutiny "just, we'll just keep going". and so the contest begins.

pam says her goodbyes which range from the unemotional with dwight "if i don't see you again, goodbye. wait, actually, i'll see you when you give me the fax confirmation so, never mind.", to the misguided poetry and thwarted kisses of michael "the last word is 'seagulls'", and heads off for the 2-1-2. we are thrown a bone with jim's TH about he and pam discussing the proposal; that they talked about it and are waiting until they're together to avoid a long engagement, and that he is comfortable enough with the situation to joke "something in her past, i guess. i'm not really sure of the whole story, but something about a guy who used to work here...". its gonna be okay you guys.

meanwhile other engagements are full speed ahead. and i don't just mean the marrying kind. andy is gun-ho with the wedding planning and angela, who's tolerance of andy rivals jan's of michael, is just stonewalling andy, in part to delay the inevitable i think and in part because she just cannot dignify his ramblings with a response.
"how do you feel about maine?" angela looks at her phone as she dials. unfazed, he bounds off enthusiastically "i'm on it". as dwight’s pager (always funny) goes off, we discover that andy is also oblivious to angela's clandestine encounters. we all remember the pregnant (pun terrible, and forced, and intended) silence that followed phyllis' discovery at the end of last season's finale? i don't really know who to root for, it reminds me of pam's take on the andy/angela pairing last season "i couldn't do that to dwight. or angela. or andy". that pretty much sums it up for me. i do love dwight's chin bump after they emerge and angela can barely make it out of frame. i love overconfident dwight.

meanwhile the rest of the office is burning calories in their own ways; kelly is extreme dieting with the cleanse, stanley is taking the stairs to attain his own personal weight loss goals and dwight is providing healthy alternatives in the vending machine. dwight hammering a nectarine into one of the vending machine slots defines priceless. post yoga in the conference room, michael is cleaning himself with a paper towel at the sink "ah, they moved the shower" and tries to engage jim on his way to the bathroom in a lively discussion about the quality of holly's butt. jim attempts to derail this clearly inappropriate conversation encouraging michael to share what he has learned about holly while taking things slow (per jim's advice from last season). it is sweet; michael has clearly been talking and listening to holly but, much like that h.r. badonkadonk, the horny 15-yr-old in michael just won't quit. jim attempts to extract himself as the conversation nosedives again "i thought you had to pee?"

being inappropriate may not damage michael's chances all that much, as holly tells oscar that she is a lesbian in response to his description of the handsome single teacher of his bikram class. oscar is excited to share that he is gay and holly back peddles explaining she was just making a stupid joke. "what's the joke?". as she continues to shove her foot into her mouth it really could be michael having this interaction. oh my, for reals they are a perfect match. jim has come to the same conclusion at the second weigh in, where scranton is off to a great start having lost 31 lbs, "i can't believe i'm saying this, but michael is actually killing it with holly. and i think i know why. it's because holly is KIND of a major dork." still not sure, well how about they do a little rap. okay, you on board with the dork theory now? great. i cannot get over how well written the character of holly is, that they have created a woman who is perfect for michael and yet cute and endearing, but still misunderstood.
as jim muses over michael's office love, his lady small fish is in the big apple realizing that she has shown up in the wrong class. even if that was the right class, the pretentious zap chancery "joke" would have caused me to walk out. no lady, you are not boring me, just causing me to vomit in my mouth, you understand. it is cute to see ol' pammy sheepishly take her seat again, you can take the girl out of reception but...

after seeing how beautiful jan is, and the seeming hold she has over michael, holly decides to take up oscar on his matchmaking offer. it is so clever and funny to see how the writers have parlayed competitive, cutthroat, corporate jan into a preggers, suburban candle-maker. it's like she is way to aggressive for her chosen field. candle-making, dude. chillax. fresh off her first sighting of hurricane jan, holly is ready to have another bubble burst. after angela attacks kevin for his ineptitude, believing "a g.d. monkey could do it" (why is the abbreviation of mild curse words so funny? can someone please explain it to me?), holly makes a confused and painfully sincere attempt to come to kevin's defense, revealing her misperception of his less-is-more attitude towards thinking. "wait, back up. do you think that i am retarded?" i love that in this inflamed moment of outrage at angela's perceived insensitivity, holly still takes a moment to build up kevin "but he's doing a super job here". "oh, holly, that is very offensive" - true but luckily you are playing to a crowd that has seen far worse before, if that's any comfort. and the awkwardness of michael is definitely more endearing on a woman, especially one as foxy as amy ryan.

angela’s smirking chastising of holly seems to have emboldened her sense of moral self-righteousness because, after andy presents the following deposits he’s made, and will subsequently lose for the following reasons:

hot-air balloons over napa valley ...... dangerous
world-famous walt disney's epcot center ...... tacky
scuba-diving wedding in the bahamas ...... sharks
wilkes-barre marriott ballroom c ...... haunted

and she seeks comfort in the arms of her doughy love machine, angela is unflinching in her response “ i have a nice comforter and several cozy pillows. i usually read a chapter of a book, and it’s lights out by 8.30. that’s how i sleep at night.”

dwight continues to be unmoved by pam’s departure and registers annoyance as jim attempts a laptop video chat with “the girl”. oblivious in the way only an overly excitable man-child can be, michael high-jacks the laptop, solicits the group hello i am sure pam had been eagerly awaiting since she “called” (is this the appropriate term here? does this count as “calling”?) and heads over to pam’s old haunt. i love how pam handles michael even through cyberspace “can you put me down? i’m getting a little nauseous.” i love even more how michael appears to be unaware that ronnie can hear him bitch to pam about how she has “the nerve” to just plonk down and answer phones. “oh, calm down, weirdo. it's just a joke. she's such a weirdo!!” she is kind of though.

the fallout from phyllis’ revealing (yes again, pun, guilty) discovery last season is that she now heads up the party planning committee. holly wants a fruit-plate but phyllis thinks it’s whorish. i wish. i love you phyllis but this was a party planning committee meeting and nobody’s moral character was called into question. i miss those days already. michael agrees with holly, and scoffs at the notion that collectively losing one pound deserves the reward of cake. and it doesn’t, michael is actually right and it is revealed that he actually gets what this competition is all about. he calls a meeting to talk about the need to take the competition seriously because it is about being healthy and losing weight and it’s the only way for everyone in the office to live forever. well, one other way. “cryogenics, beer me five.” so everyone agrees to lose 5 pounds “angela, can i put you down for 10” and along with jim’s 65 the office is back on track. and just when things were getting painful between angela and andy (cringe-ogenics, beer me five) angela is moved enough by andy’s confession that he would marry her anywhere to stand up dwight. bonus: we get to see dwight sans shirt.

poor rice-a-ronnie, jim was at least open to her eventually being a part of his life at dunder mifflin “i don't really know ronnie. but i have a feeling i will get to know her very well over the next few years, and eventually declare my love for her.” but come on “does anyone wanna dance?” clearly not, ronnie. michael was right about you. you’re on your own. as for jim, he is busy sexiling the documentary crew from pam’s dorm room. meow.

the dancing was only the tip of the iceberg, phyllis is throwing a renegade party in the warehouse complete with stanley’s favorite cake (in which he is not interested). holly and michael and dwight are adorable as the kids left out. it is clearly more wounding that they weren’t invited and michael, who is an ideas machine this episode, suggests they have a rival mini-golf party. holly can’t go, she has a date, so with his rival party ruined michael goes to break things up. this doesn’t go WAY too far so dwight decides to fix that by kicking stanley’s cake all over everyone. “happy birthday, stanley”. oh, you showed him.

this review is in syndication. too much happened, i cannot make this one post. your eyes will fall out of your head. which would be terrible and really really gross. so this recap/review has been divided up into the proverbial "2 half hours". but don't worry, they are airing back to back.

Friday, September 26, 2008

the office 5.1 - weight loss

nobody puts baby in a corner

"i am always cold. i can't wait for menopause."
-baby throckmorton

tgif. am i right?

this morning there was a woman literally going 35 mph on the highway. what is that about?

i have to say, as much as it vexes me to drive so much every day, commuting has made me a far more skilled driver. now i think i am kind of a badass. this was not always the case. at all. kate likes to tell stories about how crappy a driver i was in high school. i just used to space out all the time. it was like i would just take a time out from driving if my mind was occupied elsewhere. i would be telling a story (of course) and i would slow down as i got to the good parts. not great really. i would like to take this moment to publicly apologize to all the drivers out there who shared a road with me in the late 90's. it was the 90's man, pissing calvin bumper stickers and will smith's music career, it was a confusing time. i was young and inexperienced. i have changed you guys, you should see me now.

i will also take this moment to announce i have successfully made the transition into being a person who wears a watch. and its friday.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

this just in

apparently steve miller is working on 3 blues albums. you know what gives me the blues? steve miller's music.


jerell was robbed.

nailed it!

john stewart is america's greatest cultural asset. bold times call for bold statements.

it's true though. his analysis of the current political climate and critiques of the media circus are so spot on and he presents it in this way of like if dad humor was REALLY funny. last night he was talking about sarah palin and her elusive meetings with foreign leaders (were any of her buddies from russia in the hizzouse?) and how she has taken a page from
dick cheney's guide to being a sketchy-ass vice president. and i quote:

"we met sarah palin 3 weeks ago and already she has her own gates scandal, complete with cronieism and refusal to testify. you cannot teach that! the force is strong with this one."

its true, she is a natural born, shady, untrustworthy, scandal-ridden politician. great news. so glad she is on the ballot. totally psyched.

meanwhile maccain has decided he can't go back to washington and sit around until he needs to vote yes or no on something AND run a campaign at the same time. of course not, that's like being expected to walk and chew gum at the same time. unreasonable. now obama raises an interesting point:
"Presidents are going to have to deal with more than one thing at a time." -- Barack Obama 9/24/08.
i mean, is it just me or is this the most ridiculous shit you have ever heard? i can't continue campaigning because i have to go back to washington to deal with the financial crisis? what exactly are you going to do when you get there, senator? is you wife, heiress barbie, going to foot the bill? did you figure it out, have the whole plan sketched out on a airport lounge napkin? and, if i can suspend disbelief for a moment and assume that this isn't an incredibly TRANSPARENT plan to get out of the debates you will no doubt be trounced in and that you actually have some intentions to dedicate your energy towards helping us get out of this mess, why doesn't our favorite pageant princess take the reigns and continue campaigning? oh, is it because she is just a political tool and you are afraid if she actually opens her mouth in public that she will claim that playing with her son track's g.i. joes makes her a military expert? this whole thing stinks.

i will leave with a joke (courtesy of the jocular john stewart)

Q: what is the difference between a hockey mom and a flower?

A: one has both male and female reproductive parts... and one is a flower

nailed it.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

ye olde morning commute

how do i love thee? oh wait, i don't. love thee. at all.

today there was a pretty intense looking accident on 880 going in the other direction. but it also caused a lot of traffic in my direction as everyone had to slow down and check it out. this is a fact not even worth bitching about because it is just such a given, everyone is going to look at the crazy accident, always. forever.
so a small suv of some sort had smashed into the back of a big rig. yikes. and really literally smashed, it looked awful. my heart goes out to whoever was in the car. what was really incredible though was that as soon as we passed the accident and the traffic started to clear, the car in front of me started aggressively tailgating the car in front of it. like just glued to the bumper.
really? really, chevy colbart lt? did you not see the massive car accident just now, the one we just passed a second ago? where one car smashed itself beyond recognition into the back of another vehicle? you know, the one with the 1/2 dozen fire trucks and the flashing lights and sobering destruction? because, there was a lesson there, if you wanted to look for it. just saying.
it was like there was no connection whatsoever to be found between driving recklessly and getting into horrible car accidents.

i will be forever amazed by how oblivious people can be. and not oblivious in a cute way.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

this is amazing

sarah palin gives me nightmares

go here and vote no. if you feel inclined to vote yes, immediately call your doctor and have your brain examined.


sound the trumpets, strumpets

it was trashy t.v. monday y'all. gossip girl and the hills. that's right, i watch these shows and before you sit in judgment let me tell you something: these shows are really good. now, before i move on to talk about how i finally decided to give in to the o.c. reloaded, let me ask one question about the hills please - when are brody and lauren going to admit that they love each other? lauren, you should be brody's shorty and he should be your boo. make it happen.

gossip girl. i decided this season that it was time. i never really got in to the o.c. which i can take pride in. like how i never got into new kids on the block. proud. anyway when i eventually checked it out it was a major disappointment, like dawson's creek trying to be melrose place... and failing. not even the "charming" jewish nerd could save it. thanks, but no thanks. so i was wary of g.g. but i decided to put the sins of the father aside and pick it up this season, see if it couldn't become another guilty pleasure along with the hills and antm. what i did not expect was that it would be so hilarious. i nearly peed my pants watching the season premiere. chuck, you guys.

so, last nights episode... (p.s. reviews will be a reoccurring feature on this blog. just an fyi for all you imaginary readers). anyway... fallout from serena and dan's breakup. now, i have gathered that dan is the poor guy and serena is the rich girl - best plot device ever. dan, win her back, boom box serenade!
so dan starts palling around with the "new girl", who is appropriately plain, planning lunch dates and the like and the battle to win the breakup begins. chuck loiters around the edges of the unfolding drama being amazing and saying things like "did i hear something about lunch?" i love him waking up serena to breakfast and news of dan and his gal pal by tickling her face with a flower. "boundaries, chuck". priceless.
elsewhere in the episode we are supposed to care that dan's dad (who i am pretty sure is played by the kid from
two and a half men) is being sought after by his ex. well sorry, i don't. moving on.
valerie or vanessa or whoever secretly spots nate's mrs. robinson eating the face off of blair's new boyfriend, who is also mrs. robinson's step son! did you follow that? aaron spelling, eat your heart out. so, to recap, duchess catherine is having a may-december affair with vanessa's friend and love interest, nate (there is blackmailing/$ involved), but is also getting frisky with her own stepson, the cliche british guy. and british guy, marcus, and blair are dating so.... vanessa snaps a handy cell phone photo of the scandal and then shows it to dan seeking his advice. apparently dan and vanessa are both from the block. dan, staring at the photo, asks the question that i have been asking myself since i tuned into the season premiere: "why can't i look away?". i don't know, dan, i don't know. vanessa takes his advice and takes her problem to blair, taking advantage of blair's personal stake in the matter and penchant for carefully crafted revenge.
back to serena, dan and hannah montana. in an attempt to be the bigger person, serena suggests that the 3 try a group hang and they all head out that night to some bar that serves highschool students. oh my, dan and hannah montana like the same authors, serena feels like the odd one out or...um... the 3rd wheel? i know, shocking. that hardly ever happens when you are the other person on someone else's date. so blah, blah, blah, the tension escalates, some boring, pretty, douchebag frat boy gets involved and confrontation at the bar- serena explains, quite poignantly actually, how it really hurt her that he asked someone out the day they got back to school. makes sense. but then... oh no! the characters from
mean girls put some crap that chuck (the puppeteer!) gives them in hannah montana's hair and it starts coming out in clumps (oh wait, isn't that also a scene from mean girls? get tina fey's lawyers on the phone). dan blames serena, outrage abounds and it is on, bitch. there is some sort of reference by the blogger (not sure how i feel about this aspect of the show, jury is still out) that serena is back on top, which i don't fully appreciate as i haven't watched season one. yet. anyway, i like where this is going.
speaking of things being "on", bitch, blair is at brunch with her little prince william. wills is gazing into her eyes, "summer home this, wealthiness that" and she is having none of it. she calls him out on his tryst with the cougar and wants no excuses. "i just want to get through this without throwing up in my mouth". we all know
that feeling. catherine the cougar shows up all indignation and botox demanding to know whatever. i love this:
blair: take a seat
creepy cougar lady: excuse me?
blair: oh, not yet. but you will
in that moment the cougar receives the text from blair of the photo of her and wills rounding second base and sinks down into the chair. uh oh, spaghettio.
back at camp breakup drama, we discover that hannah montana was the evil henchman to chuck's carmen sandiego. that's right, friend, he hired her! but why? why, to stir the pot. to make serena jealous and light a fire under her ass. where is that famous fighting spirit? serena is back on top which means that chuck's former fling (and secret soulmate you guys) blair had better watch out. she is getting bumped from the throne. chuck, you creepy evil genius, i love you. chuck and blair manipulate masterfully, look at them, making things happen. you are destined to be together; you are the evil empire that speidi could be if spencer wasn't such a loser and heidi wasn't so pathetic. find each other.
anyway, ms. henchman is given her exit strategy, serena takes the queen bee spot and dan becomes a social pariah. not exactly clear on how these last two events unfold but i'll chock it up to the wondrous mystery of the social elite.
meanwhile, having misinterpreted blair's carefully laid brunch trap, vanessa totally screws the pooch by taking the affair to the cougar's husband, aka the duke, aka prince william's pops. oh dear, now the deal that blair struck with countess cougar to have her pay off nate's family's debt in exchange for discretion is totally null and void. vanessa subsequently feels like a total douche, which i subsequently think that she is. nate, ever sincere looking and floppy haired, is really only mad at her for lying to him. when will they ever learn.

overall this episode was a little light on the chuck, who is obviously the best part of this show. i am glad the ridiculous mrs. robinson plot has come to an end and we can focus on the rich clique drama. i continue to not care about dan's dad at all.

well, i am off to read shakespeare and study latin and other such highbrow intellectual pursuits. top drawer!

Monday, September 22, 2008

the path of least resistance

i am like an 80 year old. not in all respects of course but there is definitely an overlap. i like large sunglasses, i hate it when people speed in residential neighborhoods, i like knitting and i could watch antiques roadshow for HOURS. i also am slow to embrace new technologies. its true. i definitely heard about youtube from one of my dad's friends, i finally have a dvr (which, btw, is the most amazing thing ever invented) and i just could not get my head around this whole blogging thing. its still a bit of a mystery to me but i figured i spend an awful lot of time forcing people to listen to me talk about what i think about any old random topic, i might as well use the outlet that seems to be pretty much designed for that purpose. it just seems so self indulgent. like what makes me think that anyone is going to bother to read the crap i write. but i am going to be honest, i also think that i have some pretty funny and interesting things to say so, maybe you SHOULD bother to read it. we'll see. in any case i decided to join the flailing masses and start a blog. and then, in a effort to be tediously self referential, blog about starting a blog. its a start.